If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
