He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
