I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
