Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
