Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
