He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
