Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize