If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
