he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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