the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
