do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
