a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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