I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
