do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
