I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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