found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
