she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
