I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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