He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
