Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
