...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
