tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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