i love accidental penises.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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