I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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