JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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