fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
