There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Two words: blizzard sex
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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