I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
