You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
