real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
