It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
