I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm getting married
To pizza
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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