I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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