I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am available for nakedness
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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