Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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