As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
