How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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