I will die if light touches me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
