Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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