she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
