You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
