She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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