Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
