i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
