I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
