oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
last night I used snow as a chaser
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