what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
