Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
