I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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