What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My ATM looks so different sober.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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