don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
