I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
two words...techno handjob
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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