btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
