She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
