so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
