i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
