How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
And then my night got REAL pukey
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
