She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
