There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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