Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
