um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Randomize
