its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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