I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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