SEEEEXXX PLEASE
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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