Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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