your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
