you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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