U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
