Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
